Definitely Not

My head hurts.

My - frontal lobe, it's aching,

No not from - the calculus work I was doing,

No it's not from this

iPad I've been staring at - I

Think I'd know the difference -

No, my

My head hurts

My head hurts not because I've only

Gotten - only - 6 hours of sleep each night,

Not because I've been

Filled to the tip-top, to the peak of my skull,

To the ends of my hair with

Stress over the future,

No,

That's not why it's

Just that my

My head hurts

My head really - hurts -

And it's not

It's not because I ate less dinner and

More toast that

Inexplicably included brown sugar, it's not

It's not that I've been indoors all afternoon with these

Piercingly inorganic lights no it's

It's not for those reasons it's that my

My head hurts

Just that my head hurts

Because -

Because of you or maybe because -

Because of lack of you

My head hurts

Because I

I wish so goddamn desperately you were here and I

I can't pretend that this doesn't feel like

Living "normally" -

This wash of numbing - of dulling -

This ache that is only that my

My head hurts -

My head hurts -

Because you're not

Not here with me -

No not

Because of the caffeine in that

Chai tea I drank half an hour ago, but

Because that tea

Reminded me

Of you.

XX---