$200,000

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 5 zeroes.

My future.

I see it laid out before me in numbers, but not in money.

I pay the 1.25 bus fare every Tuesday night,

I have $1,000 worth of kayak-shaped plywood in my basement,

And if I dropped EVERYTHING today maybe I could get a job that pays $20,000 a year, tomorrow.

That's 4 zeroes.

But as for those 5 zeroes, that two hundred thousands dollars -

That's different.

Yeah, I see it in numbers, but not in money.

I see it in years.

I see it after my first 17 in a hopefully long life,

I see it from my 26th, and LAST, semester in the public school system

And I see 8 more semesters up ahead.

Yeah, I see 4 planned years before me,

But I see the potential, too, for years beyond.

I see 27 month Peace Corps tours

And 4 months as a ski bum,

I see 6 weeks spent in Europe and 1 climbing Mt. Rainier

In my future, I see a 6 year odyssey of travel, of exposure, of life -

But not in those 5 zeroes.

Not in that crippling debt.

In that I see 4 glorious years and 1 decade of soul-crushing worry.

I see a straight path where

4 years of college becomes 2 years of grad school becomes 40 years of work -

But I don't see the less than or greater than symbols, I don't see the variables, where is my choice?

Because let's be honest, numbers can't quantify how I feel about that debt

It's feeling like you're so far underwater you don't know if you'll ever resurface

It's seeing your future stretched out before you and adding two - brick - walls -

It's hearing the hesitation in your friends' voices and wondering, if they are as scared to hell as you are

Because there's no way

You're getting out of this

Whole.

But -

What am I saying.

There's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - 5 zeroes.

But - they're just zeroes.

They're nothing to be afraid of

If they're nothing

At all.

XXXXX
(This poem is really meant to be PERFORMED, but I don't have footage of my reading, unfortunately.)