things i'd never say to you

you never talked

to the cops

do you regret

not walking out

---

i could forgive

you (and maybe

i do) all the

late nights and

safe-kept knives;

i could forgive

you our co-

made mistakes and

i do, already

concluded;

i could forgive

you if you

couldn’t forgive

me, i’d know

what you mean –

but i don’t

know if i could

forgive

you, for saying

his eyes were blue

for saying

he liked to kayak

and even you

knew that

was cruel

---

things

i’d never say

to you.

---

i still imagine

(sometimes)

holding you

through the night

holding tight

like

a small room,

an anchor

constraining and

safe, safe safe

i still remember

when we both thought

i was helping

i still grasp

at that

feeling

---

there are many

many things

i’d never say

to you.