Progression

Nine days ago I would have declared that

You were an entertaining person who I love to

Pretend not to respect, but that you were

Not extraordinary in my life.

Eight days ago I would have said that

We had a history long enough to make me

Smile when I saw you, and call out

One of your nicknames, but nothing more.

Seven days ago I would have shrugged that

You were a good teacher but needed

Experience, and you were a boy and

We all know I don’t like boys much for anything.

Six days ago I would have admitted that

The best thing you’d ever done for me was say

That I’d performed well on stage last night

And sound like you meant it without freaking out.

Five days ago I would have grumbled that

Your five-fingers are ridiculous and

Your suit is ridiculous and

So are you, but I still like you.

Four days ago you said something that

I pretended not to be surprised at but

In reality I was reeling and thrilled all at once,

And my opinion of you snapped and reformed.

Three days ago when I saw you I

Smiled more than for other teachers because

I knew that the day meant something more to you,

And I wanted you to wear that rainbow so badly.

Two days ago I wondered just who the fuck else I

Really knew who was gay and close to me,

And asked how my policy of emulation could work

Without someone like you around.

One day ago I suddenly felt like
I was living among aliens, non-threatening but strange,

And I was quietly glad to know just one more person

I could count on as a comrade-in-arms.

Today I marveled that my view of you could change

So quickly and sharply, and realized

Just how much I need to have someone in that

Role you tentatively fill.

Tomorrow I’ll again thank my stars that

I’m allowed to know you, and even if

Nothing comes of this at all,

I’m relieved just to have you exist.

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